Sunday, August 29, 2010

Queen of Black Magic

Today we got another Indonesian oddity from Mondo Macabro, the video company that brought you such experimental arthouse fare as For Y'ur Height Only and Lady Terminator. This one's called Queen of Black Magic. It's not as shit-in-your-hand-and-rub-it-in-your-hair insane as the legendary Mystics in Bali, but it's pretty good.

It's about this broad who gets lynched because everybody in the village thinks she's a witch, so she decides to prove them wrong by, um, becoming a witch. It starts out at this wedding that looks more like a Day of the Dead parade, with lots of dudes in weird masks dancing around. Then the rice casserole turns into maggots and the bride starts seeing snakes everywhere (possibly a Freudian foreshadowing of her upcoming marital duties) and hallucinating that her husband-to-be is a plastic skeleton. Obviously, black magic is afoot, so they call in a witch doctor to clean that shit up. The evil's too strong, though, so he gets telekinesised to death.

Then the groom is like, "Hey, I know who did it. It's this chick I dumped after promising to marry her so I could take her virginity in a filthy shack out in the rice paddies." His unsubstantiated allegation is good enough for the angry mob he's got hanging out on his lawn, so they go grab the chick and burn down her house with her mom in it. Then they throw a dummy wearing her dress off a cliff, but luckily, she gets caught by this other witch doctor who convinces her that she needs to get herself some of that revenge everybody's talking about.

So she learns the dark arts and goes back to the village to magic the hell out of everybody who lynched her. She makes big rubber blood bubbles appear all over this one dude, then has another guy get his right eyeball stung out by bees. Then another guy gets his right eyeball eaten by worms.

Come to think of it, the blood bubble guy's right eyeball popped as well. She's got a problem with right eyeballs, I guess.

So then she keeps trying to quit this whole revenge thing (it's so time-consuming) but the witch doctor keeps bullying her into it. I don't know if I trust that guy. So she makes red Kool Aid come out of her ex-boyfriend's neck, and he stumbles back home and rips off his own head with his bare hands. Then it starts flying around and biting people, until this pious Muslim dude with a porn star mustache comes to town and tells everybody that praying makes the devil shit his pants.

Then the movie becomes kind of a commercial for Islam for a while. Then there's almost some incest. Then the witch doctor starts throwing around big papier mache boulders, so the main chick makes him explode with her mind, which I'm pretty sure is exactly what Muhammad would have done.

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