Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Frankenstein Conquers The World

What we got here is your basic Japanese giant monster movie. Nothing too special. It begins like so many others have, with some Nazis retrieving Frankenstein's still-beating heart from a mad scientist's castle in Frankfurt and transporting it via submarine to a lab in Hiroshima, where the A-bomb causes it to regenerate into a full-grown monster that spends the next 15 years eating bunny rabbits in the radioactive ruins. Like I said, pretty standard stuff.

I don't want to belabor this review, because if you've seen one giant Frankenstein movie, you've seen 'em all. Some scientists working at a hospital for victims of the Bomb find Frank wandering around, so they bring him back to the lab for study. They helpfully explain that he's a Caucasian, even though he's very clearly played by a lanky Japanese dude. Then they discover that Frank will regenerate any damaged tissue as long as he gets a steady dose of protein. Then, for reasons not fully explained, he starts growing and growing and growing until he's about 50 feet tall. He breaks out of the lab and lives in the mountains, occasionally getting into some mischief, like when he throws a whole tree at a bird and it accidentally crushes some poor dude's log cabin. Oh, Frankie. You lovable scamp.

The problem is, there's this other monster, a real prick named Baragon who looks like a reptilian Labrador puppy with a glowing horn on his snout. He's tunneling all over the countryside, blowing up oil refineries and making Frank take the blame for it. So now the army's trying to kill poor Frank while the Hiroshima scientists are trying to save him. Then him and Baragon finally meet up and have a knock-down, drag-out fight across the Japanese wilderness. It's kind of funny, because Frank is just some dude with a big forehead, so it's extra ridiculous when he jumps on the rubber puppy-lizard's back and starts whaling away. At first, you don't think he has a chance because this Baragon asshole is so much bigger, and he can shoot red lasers out of his mouth, while Frank's just a skinny Japanese guy with no special powers. But that's actually Frank's secret weapon. Since he's not covered in 200 pounds of rubber, he has the mobility and speed to turn the tables on Baragon. Then Frank holds his corpse over his head victoriously and throws him over a cliff into the sea.

Any other movie would end right here, but not Frankenstein Conquers The World. It's got its own agenda. With only four minutes left in the movie, a random giant octopus (you can tell it's a giant octopus because one of the scientists yells, "Look! That's a giant octopus!") climbs out of the ocean to fight Frank. Maybe he was pissed off about Frank chucking that douchebag Baragon into his ocean, or maybe the octopus was really the mastermind behind the whole thing and Baragon was only his henchman. I don't know. The movie wasn't too specific about the octopus' motivations. Anyway, whatever his fuckin' problem is, this octopus is an even bigger prick than the last monster. Frank is already worn out from his battle with Baragon, so he doesn't put up much of a fight when Cocktopus drags him over the cliff to a watery grave. What a fuckin' bummer. Frank goes to all this trouble to clear his good name, and for what? Dammit, I hate that octopus.

Anyway, if you've ever wanted to see a movie where a random giant octopus is introduced in the last four minutes, this (and maybe the deleted scenes from Goonies) is probably your best bet.

29 comments:

  1. So... is this some kind of four-year anniversary special edition re-release of this post?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't know what happened. I made some minor edits and apparently Blogspot took the Star Wars truthers' side and decided that meant the review was a completely different work than the original version.

    ReplyDelete
  3. magix music maker crack Such a nice and helpful piece of information. I’m so happy that you shared this helpful information with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you, I’ve recently been searching for information about this subject for a long time and yours is the best I have found out so far google-sketchup-pro-crack-plus-license

    ReplyDelete
  5. https://shanpc.com/corel-draw-x7-crack/
    https://shanpc.com/idm-crack-patch/

    ReplyDelete
  6. https://missjacksoninkenya.blogspot.com/2013/03/how-tonyama-choma.html?showComment=1623565861744#c7978948637011930924

    ReplyDelete
  7. https://missjacksoninkenya.blogspot.com/2013/03/how-tonyama-choma.html?showComment=1623737357266#c6972240671644238421

    ReplyDelete
  8. https://mithnigoth2.blogspot.com/2011/07/blog-post.html?showComment=1623751897574#c5701886955007290638

    ReplyDelete
  9. I really enjoy reading your post about this Posting. This sort of clever work and coverage! Keep up the wonderful works guys, thanks for sharing Adobe Flash Builder Crack

    ReplyDelete
  10. HitmanPro Crack
    ProCrackerz
    This software is very helpful for as, thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thanks Alot For this: Exactly about what i need, this is really interesting reading. I am glad I found this and got to read it. Great job on this content. I like it.Regards.

    Malwarebytes Premium Crack Key

    ReplyDelete
  12. What the? I know this is a theme, but I was wondering if you know where I can find the captcha plugin for my comment form?
    I use the same blogging platform as yours and I have it
    are you struggling to find it? Thank you!
    pazera free audio extractor portable crack
    sparkol videoscribe crack
    wondershare dr fone crack
    jetaudio music player apk crack

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks for the post. Very interesting post. This is my first-time visit here. I found so many interesting stuff in your blog. Keep posting..
    adobe photoshop cs6 crack
    disk drill pro crack
    zenmate vpn crack
    avg pc tuneup crack
    poweriso crack registration key

    ReplyDelete
  14. It's a great site! Have you made any changes to your theme, or did you get it from any other source?
    With a few easy changes, a design like yours might be created.
    It definitely brings out the best in my blog.
    I'd want to know where you obtained your assignment from, if possible.
    phpstorm crack
    wondershare uniconverter crack
    miracle box crack
    spyhunter crack

    ReplyDelete
  15. apowersoft video editor crack
    zebra cardstudio professional crack
    blumentals rapid php crack
    polarr photo editor pro crack


    You have a great site, but I wanted to know if you know.
    Any community forum dedicated to these topics.
    What was discussed in this article? I really want to be a part of it.
    A society in which I can obtain information from others with knowledge and interest.
    Let us know if you have any suggestions. I appreciate this!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Its a Very Great and Amazing Blog Dear This is Very Great and Helpful..
    Talha PC
    Crackedithere
    expressvpn crack
    foxit reader crack

    ReplyDelete
  17. I guess I am the only one who came here to share my very own experience. Guess what!? I am using my laptop for almost

    the past 6 years, but I had no idea of solving some basic issues. I do not know how to Download Cracked Pro Softwares But thankfully, I recently visited a website named Pcexe.org
    PCexe.org
    Gihosoft iPhone Data Recovery Crack

    ReplyDelete
  18. I like your all post. You have done really good work. Thank you for the information you provide, it helped me a lot. crackproz.org I hope to have many more entries or so from you.
    Very interesting blog.
    CardRecovery Crack

    ReplyDelete
  19. I am a professional web blogger so visit my website link is given below!To get more information
    crackroot.net/
    Adobe Photoshop CC crack/
    Adobe Photoshop CC Crack/

    ReplyDelete
  20. I’ve been surfing on the web more than 3 hours today, yet I never found any stunning article like yours.
    It’s alluringly worth for me.
    As I would see it, if all web proprietors and bloggers made puzzling substance as you did.
    the net will be in a general sense more beneficial than at whatever point in late memory.

    photostage slideshow crack
    xnview crack
    fonepaw android data crack
    easy cut studio crack
    jp software take crack
    varicad crack

    ReplyDelete
  21. I am very impressed with your post because this post is very beneficial for me and provide a new knowledge to me. this blog has detailed information, its much more to learn from your blog post.I would like to thank you for the effort you put into writing this page.
    I also hope that you will be able to check the same high-quality content later.Good work with the hard work you have done I appreciate your work thanks for sharing it. It Is very Wounder Full Post.This article is very helpful, I wondered about this amazing article.. This is very informative.
    “you are doing a great job, and give us up to dated information”.
    synchredible-professional-7-110-crack-with-license-key-free-download-2022/
    mstech-office-home-1-3-0-10-crack-with-license-key-free-download-2022/
    graphics-converter-pro-crack/
    jetbrains-intellij-idea-2021-2-2-crack-with-license-key-free-download-2022/
    jetbrains-datagrip-2021-2-3-crack-with-latest-version-free-download-2022/

    ReplyDelete
  22. I like your all posts. You have done really good work. Thank you for the information you provide. Keep it up
    Trials Rising Crack
    n track studio crack
    Iratus: Lord of the Dead Crack

    ReplyDelete
  23. I am very thankful for the effort put on by you, to help us, Thank you so much for the post it is very helpful, keep posting such type of Article.
    4K Tokkit Crack
    Fortnite Crack

    ReplyDelete
  24. Here at Karanpccrack, you will get all your favourite software. Our site has a collection of useful software. That will help for your, Visite here and get all your favourite and useful software free.
    karanpccrack
    Spyhunter Crack

    ReplyDelete
  25. I am very thankful for the effort put on by you, to help us, Thank you so much for the post it is very helpful, keep posting such type of Article.
    Radmin Crack
    4ucrack

    ReplyDelete